I won't change myself
by Les milles et une nuits
Summary: She was stubborn, she did not like to be a prisoner, and there were only two solutions to solve her problem. ShizNat Futa, and rating M for a reason. Don't like, don't read. No sequel.
1. Chapter 1

I promise a one-shot, but it seemed it will be a two (or three) shot. Rating M because of this chapter, futa. No beta. Don't worry, it's an happy-ending.

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 **~I won't change myself.~**

 **Part 1: Needs.**

It was not the first time Natsuki kneeled between her legs. It was simply a moment to release the tension, to feel pleasure. It was always consenting, they were both adult, they accepted their need as human, as animals. When they met each other, it was simply a simple moment, they drank, they laughed, and they went to Shizuru's home. And Natsuki discovered her little…no…her big secret, the particularly to her body, she was born female but with the wrong genital, that's mean a penis. Natsuki accepted without thinking that condition, she did not care, that woman was simply gorgeous, nice, lovely, and she wanted her, to feel her no matter what.

Their eyes burned with desire, and nothing more. Sparkles only remained to their intense activities. Natsuki gasped softly, but she continued to give pleasure to the woman with rubies eyes. Her cock was so big and hard. She felt Shizuru body stiffed, and Natsuki was pleased, she continued to lick the member, to give strong movements, to massage the testicles.

"Oh god Natsuki, I will came..." Shizuru growled when she found she couldn't contain anymore her pleasure. It was not the first time she had a blow job with the bluenette. It was always amazing. Sometimes, she forgot her own world. And she watched the red tint on the cheek from shyness becoming more beautiful. Shizuru sighed and another flood of excitement appeared when she noticed the liquid that escape her cock, and Natsuki swallowed the semen and licked her lips, it was sexy and sexual. It made crazy the blonde.

"Now it's my turn to please you~" Shizuru removed with her foot her trouser that was at her ankles, she violently caught the emerald beauty on her arms, and she kissed fiercely Kuga, and tasted her own pleasure in that mouth. They collapsed on the bed; Viola flinched when manicured nails dug into the inside of her thighs, leaving a red mark on her skin. Natsuki nipped her breast, and removed the unnecessary shirt; she smirked when she saw the hard nipple, and she pinched them, and tasted them, they were salty. Shizuru moaned, and rolled her head back caressing that long silky hair. Her member swelled hard again when Natsuki wrapped a hand around her shaft, squeezing harder. Viola hissed and she played with Natsuki's red bud that swelled, she caressed with a lot of attention to her folds. The chestnut-haired beauty put more pressure in her fingers, making sure she feels each of her movements, when Kuga moved into her hand, knowing the transgender had all the power. Shizuru felt the wetness and wanting, a growl escaped from her throat. Viola slipped her long fingers back and forth, watching the bluenette's eyelids shut and her head fall back. Natsuki moaned louder as fingers find the swollen part of her and begin to rub over it adding more pressure and circles. Liquid slowly escaped the walls of her femininity and Viola slowly licked her fingers.

"You are so exquisite, and you taste fantastic…Ara…you are so wet for me Suki…" she breathed against her neck as her mouth sucked her neck and she let her mark. The Kyoto-Ben woman hands walked on her back, she grabbed the buttocks, and she urged them to bring this burning body closer to hers. Her mouth latched onto her breast, tongue and teeth rubbing against the brown nipple. She lost all control when she heard her sensual moans, head tilted back.

Natsuki's hands brushed her hair, she pushed her head down and she grind against her, rocking her hips against her own. Shizuru's groaned resound on the bedroom, as hands slide down her penis mixing with Natsuki gasping, their breathing gradually increase together.

Shizuru changed the position, for a better access, above, Kuga took the initiative to be the dominant, she pumped her body up and down and their eyes clashed. The she male's hands never leave her hips, caressing along her curves.

Natsuki and Shizuru needed their release. But the bluenette was more desperate; she needed to be free from her. Now.

Kuga ground down and the honey-haired transgender scratched her back in response. She moaned in pleasure and pain, Shizuru tried to press her mouth to her, but she was pushed against the mattress. She pulled one hand away from her face, directing it down to her breast. The desire overtook Viola and she knew she was no longer in control.

It isn't long when Shizuru attain her pleasure. But Natsuki moved off her. Viola wanted to touch her, but she stops her, she lied down, and turned away to the side, making no longer cope with her lover who closed her eyes after her orgasm.

 **Next morning.**

Again that happened. Shizuru tried to run away, or she did not want to stay with her. Natsuki simply fed up with that blonde attitude, the: 'I don't care', yes, sex was really funny, it was a long time she did not have such a pleasure, but it was not enough for Natsuki. She wanted more that meeting some nights with her …she did not even know how to name Shizuru. A moment of pleasure? A one night stand? It was more than one night…a lover?…Shizuru never loved her, except her body. Natsuki was really pissed when she saw Shizuru laughed on her phone, and she knew, it was with an other woman. Jealousy killing her, and she did not dare to respect her presence? They had sex damn it! It was like it was not important. And that was not the first time! How could she be in love with such a player, a womanizer? It was hurting so bad, she wanted to cry. But she could not beg Shizuru to only love her, the latter did not believe in polygamy, or love, it was too bothersome for her. That why they did not date, sometimes, they have dinner, and after, they always had sex, and Viola simply left the next morning for another play thing. She felt use, worse than a whore…she can't continue anymore…it was hurting so much…

"I have to go, work and everything. We will see next week." It was not a question, but an affirmation. It was normal for the transgender to have for granted that beautiful woman, it was six months they had sex. It was perfect, and always good.

"No." A voice said firmly, Viola finally turned her head, when she finished putting her jeans. All her attention remained to her night stand, she was totally naked, her hair descended rebellious way. She was so cute and captivating.

"What?"

"I say: 'no!" Kuga said with more confidence. Viola laughed nervously, yes, the bluenette could be busy with her work. She did not think about it until now. She was selfish.

"Ok, sorry. Perhaps on Friday? Or do you have another date in your mind? I will busy on Monday."

"No. Today it over, or should I say, yesterday was the last time we have sex."

"Are you kidding?" The transgender hoped silently. Never someone broke up with her, she was the one who end everything, because she was bored, or the women were to clinging. She wondered what she had done wrong, no one had complained about his sexual antics.

"Am I a joke to you?" Natsuki snapped, she was tired with that drama, what was normally had become a mere complexity. Shizuru was surprised about Natsuki's behaviour. The latter never shout; she never was angry to her, until today.

"What? Of course not! What are you talking about?"

"You said, you did not want to change, you love sex, you don't belong to someone….I have to accept who you are. I really try my best Shizuru, because I care for you, I lo…I…know that you don't like to show feelings, to talk, but I can't anymore to feel I'm nothing than a whore, and you will meet others women, and you will have sex with them before or after me, it's killing me…I don't want that kind of relationship…it's better if we stop now. Also, it's only sex, you warn me that will never change. You hate sticky people."

"Yes, I hate them. I belong to no one. Everyone knows who I am, I won't change. Love is bullshit." Shizuru spat, and she noticed the hurting face of Kuga. She felt guilty; she wanted to add something but was cut with an angry scream:

"Then get out of my house and life! I never want to see you again!"

"Fine. Then goodbye. I will find someone else who will really accept me." The Kyoto-Ben snapped, she took her stuff and she slammed the bedroom door while Natsuki cried alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**_I'm glad you appreciate my little story, it seemed you like the smut^^. Also, I will answer all your previous questions in this chapter._**

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 **~I won't change myself.~**

 **Part 2: Choice of life.**

 **-POV Natsuki.**

It's been a week since Natsuki broke up with Shizuru, and the rubies-eyes woman did not seem to miss her presence. The bluenette did not receive any call or text message, she did not see the woman who took her heart in her workplace. It was like they never met each other before, that they were strangers. Kuga still in pain with her broken heart. Shizuru was the first man…intersex…well, someone with a penis that she had sex. Her first love was a woman, who cheated her with a man, her friend Takumi. And the second person than she finally able to open her heart was a womanizer, who did not care about the other feelings… how did she have jump into such a story? She was not lucky, or maybe it was her destiny to always be hurt. Her head began to pound loudly; she felt that the ground was just moving under her legs.

"Natsuki? Are you alright?" The concerned did not appear to be in good health, her face was extremely pale, she was sweating more than necessary, but she still tried to be strong. She looked at her friend and co-worker Haruka Armitage. She smiled weakly, without that blonde; who was always on her side when she needed, her world will be a disaster. She was the one who help her with Shizuru, she was the one to tell her their relationship was sick, that she deserved better to be only fuck and used. She was the one who force her to eat, to work, to change her mind. She was grateful to the blonde. Even if when she met her the first time in the coffee they worked, she was…well… exuberant. Everyone noticed her presence and strong personality…and voice…

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"That bitch of Viola, I will kiss her ass." Natsuki watched the angry face of her interlocutor, and she laughed, for the first time, and it felt so good. She knew her friend did not mean that way when she was furious, she thought of words, but she said the contrary. Natsuki knew she hated Shizuru, why did not she listen to her friend… she was stupid…

"What? What's wrong with you? Did you hit your head somewhere?"

"You say you will kiss her ass, since when you like her that way. And Nao? Did you forget about your wife? If she knows, she will kill you." With a shocking face, Haruka seemed to want to vomit, she hated that woman, she saw her nasty game, she played with others like a toy; she even tried to seduce her.

"Did I say kiss? No. Urg! I prefer to kiss an ass dog than hers. And I say I will kick her ass."

"Don't waste your time, she does not deserve you harm her, I do not want you to have problems. It was all my fault. She was honest with me from the very beginning, she did not want a serious relationship, it was only sex and nothing more…and I made a mistake to continue with her…I was probably hoping she will change for me…but I was wrong…I'm nothing for her…"

"She did not deserve you! It's not your fault if you are human with feelings! And I'm sure she'll regret to let you go without fighting, and she will be regret when you find someone much better than her. Natsuki, you are pretty, kind, clever, and that...that horny dog! We don't care about her, you are too good for her, you know you are more popular than you imagine, you also have admirers. Look here." Kuga smiled politely, she did not believe she was popular; she did not want to be hurt again. It was enough for her. Love…she did not need it. Haruka gave a nudge to her friend and she pointed with a finger one of their customers, he came every day to see Natsuki, even if the concerned never remark his presence, because of Shizuru. The man smiled politely, he even blushed when Natsuki look at him.

"You see! He likes you."

"No, he just smiled. I also smiled to you, and I'm not in love with you."

"Yes I know, but he still likes you. He is here only when you work." Armitage pressed.

"Because he can't come before or after, he also had a job but I'm not sure for both of us if we continue to speak at work."

"No, I ask him and he likes you, he is a surgeon at Fuuka hospital, his name is Reito, he is single, twenty-six-year-old, he likes dog and painting. I did not see his body, but I'm sure he took care of it. He seemed really nice. And I learned there were a lot of women, who like him, but he did not see the…but I know the reason why…"

"Haruka! No! I mean mother, what are you doing in this body?" Natsuki joked, but she felt strange, she saw her friend talking, but she heard no sentence, her body became numb, and she fell on the floor, everything was black.

* * *

 ** _Few minutes later. Fuuka Hospital._**

Natsuki was trying to escape from her bed, she said to everyone that she was fine, and she watched her friend who shook her head. She was afraid when she saw the bluenette unconscious while they await the doctor. A woman with short blonde hair arrived; she seemed young, perhaps thirteen. The doctor examined Kuga and her friend:

"What's wrong with my friend doctor?" Haruka asked.

"I'm sorry for your loss Miss Kuga. You probably had a lot of stress." The latter was surprised by the words, like her best friend, who asked slowly:

"Loss?" The doctor noticed the two women seemed to not understand her words, and she bit his lip, it was always hard to inform some kind of news.

"Your baby. You had a lot of bleeding because of infection and stress, and it was a miscarriage."

"Miscarriage? How long…I was pregnant…?" Kuga stuttered, her hands were shaking, and her co-worker held both of her cold hands.

"Two months…"

"How is it possible? I mean…I use pills…"

"Sometimes, it the way you took them. If you forgot even one day, you could be pregnant." The bluenette touched her stomach, and tears rolled on her cheek. Why so much hatred in her life had she done to deserve this? She did not want to see Shizuru anymore, not after all that mess…she hated her…she also loved her, her heart still continued…but now…she hated her…she needed to forget about her...

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 ** _Three months later._**

 **-POV Shizuru.**

Her hands traced along her red lace underwear, her long fingers played on the wet string, she rubbed her intimacy and the latter moved her hips to Shizuru's furious rhythm. Her emeralds rolled back when her head arched to the side at salt water tumbled her hot body. Viola's palm settled against Kuga's sex, pushing lightly her fingers, circling her clit. A moan parted from the bluenette's lips when fingers pushed aside the lace garment, now it was skin contact. Natsuki groaned and bit on the transgender's neck, she licked her pulse point, and she bit her bottom lips. Shizuru can tell she is getting close; her hand pulled at her full erection, an inch that does not belong to Shizuru touched the pre-cum. Her rubies were glued to the beautiful and sweating figure, her one leg wrapped around the Kyoto-Ben waist as she brought close to her, she moaned together, when they body linked perfectly in one. The honey-haired woman felt against her, juices wetting her throbbing member as she bites back the moan that she wants to let go. She bites down on it hard, not letting her desperate moan escaped her. But when the movement were faster, Shizuru screamed only for Natsuki.

Shizuru woke up after a bad night; her arousal was pulsing hard, light sweat coating her breast. She had an erotic dream with …Natsuki…she turned her body to the side, and noticed a naked body, not the bluenette, but someone else. She sighed, she was pitiful, she had not even managed to have sex, there was just preliminary with her tongue and fingers to fill the lack of real penetration. She did not know what happen to her body, she was always proud to her member, but now, she felt it was useless, that she was useless. Tired, she got up from her bed, and she put her underpants, next her pant and t-shirt. She went to the kitchen. Her roommate Takeda was eating a breakfast. She joined him and took a cup of coffee.

"Hello Shizuru, did you have a good time? Stupid question, the screams I heard tells me it was fun." Masashi laughed, he knew Viola was very worn by the sex; she often brought some pretty one night stand at home.

"Please, stop talking…it's tiring..." Viola growled when she pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Oh no, don't tell me, again, you did not have an erection? But I see one now, it's weird… you, who are always proud to your anaconda. What happen to you, that girl was so hot!"

"Shut up Taka! Or I will show you I can use my anaconda to your little ass." The Kyoto-Ben woman treated.

"Since when you are gay?" Masashi exclaimed shocked, he spat the half of orange juice he drank.

"Perhaps I'm gay? Well, women or men, I'm still gay with my condition. But we can try?"

"No! No way! No! My hole is only for shit. So back off you pervert!" Viola rolled her eyes; it was not fun to play with her friend.

"You are so crude and disgusting when I eat my chocolate croissant; I understand why many women run away from you."

"Oh please, contrary to you, I have no problem with my penis. I can give pleasure."

"That not what I heard. But of course, if you are proud to come in five minutes, poor women…" Takeda blushed with shame, who could have told him that? One of her exes? Who?

"Nonsense." Masashi lied, her friend simply laughed.

"Liar. Then, you're the last person I have to listen to its advice on sex." Shizuru's roommate thought and said:

"I realized that your problem happened after Natsuki broke up with you. You had a lot of girl...friends…" The beauty with cherry eyes clenched her fists. Natsuki was just like others…she did not try to hurt her; she was honest from the beginning. No feelings, only pleasure. She did nothing wrong.

"She did not break up with me. There was nothing between us except sex."

"So you don't care if I ask you her number?" Viola glared to her interlocutor.

"No. I don't have it anymore, and I don't care. But she knows your relationship with me, and she hates me, it will be the same with you."

"Aww…well, if you don't care about her, that's fine, I see her with someone last day. And if I was gay, I prefer him than you. He was more dashing, tall, with a bright smile, and less a Casanova. The kind of man a woman dreams to marry."

"What?" Surprise, Shizuru snapped, she even burned her tongue with hot coffee.

"No, you don't care about her, I see jealousy in your eyes, and don't dare to say it's not true. You went to the coffee shop where she works."

"It's was one-"

"So you love that's slut! The one named Natsuki you moaned her name when we finished making love?" A voice interrupted the friends, the woman that Shizuru brought to her home. Viola laughed dryly, why everybody thought she loved Natsuki?

"I never loved her or you. She's like you, a good sex, but nothing more. Why do I have to justify myself? I was clear, I don't do relationship!" Shizuru answered to Arika, one of her one night stand, the latter burned with craziness. She could not accept. Never! She loved Shizuru, she lost her virginity for her. Akira took a cup of coffee and she threw it between the legs of the chestnut beauty. She jumped and held her crotch in pain.

"Damn it!"

"I promise you. You will pay for this Shizuru." A door slammed, and Viola sighed. Her roommate smirked and added:

"Really popular, I will let you that crazy one for yourself…Brr…it was cold here or burning down there. I don't understand you. Do you have a bad life? You are rich, your parents are generous, they cared about you, you are pretty, and women are attracting to you…someone break your heart in the past?" Takeda pondered while her friend grimaced when she watched her pant. She hated when people assumed her behavior.

"No, nothing happened to me. There are some people like me, who like sex and having a lot of partners, I'm young, and don't want to be only with one person, not now…I'm not ready. So because I'm a woman, people see me as a slut. And if it's a man who had a lot of women, we consider him as a player?"

"Yep." Takeda agreed and he received a kick on his leg.

"I don't care. It's my life."

"Yes it is, but also the others, one day, you will regret some of your choices."

"Perhaps... but I never lied to anyone, or to myself. I'm just honest. Am I wrong?" Shizuru stated.

"I don't know..." Takeda sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

**I think some of you will be surprised with the end of the chapter. Thanks for the review, follows, favourites.**

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 **~I won't change myself.~**

 **Part 3: Life.**

She quietly observed the hour to her watch, it was barely 7 P.M., Viola could not bear to make conversation, laughing at bad jokes, listening some uninteresting stories. But she had no choice, it was her duty, her parents entrusted her to attend a party for investment funds for Fuuka hospital. It was a way to thank the generous and important investors, and those who acted without looking their money. Shizuru's parents had donated a large sum of money and the hospital was able to build a center for families who have lost their loved ones, and a nursery for mothers who can not keep their children when they worked. Yes, she had to make an appearance, as in school, although she seemed detached, but she really loved children. What she did not like that evening; it was all this opulence, to show off to others what they gave. It was not the purpose to compare their generosity to the others. She hated this spirit of competition, one was better than the other because he gave more. But it was sad that the financial resources are so much disputed between each service, and everybody needed help for those who are sick.

Viola sighed when she saw him coming in her direction. The hospital director, Mr. Takumi Tokiha, a nice guy, but a real headstrong, rather arrogant, who does not like being opposed, fortunately, the young man had been distracted by a politician. Viola looked around, and noticed a waitress, a small brunette with orange eyes, she winked at her, and she was cute. The Kyoto-Ben woman smiled seductively, then sighed. She could no longer pretend, she did not even want to bring back this woman to her home, she knew full well she could get her in her bed, without any doubt. It was too easy, the waitress even walked in her direction.

"Good evening."

"Good evening."

"You do something after this boring evening? If you want, I can give you a more entertaining activity. "Shizuru laughed. She was not afraid to tell what she wants. Normally she liked that, but an image crossed her mind ... and she bit her lower lip.

"I'm sorry, I'm busy all evening." The chestnut beauty lied; she will probably drink in a bar and wake up on a park bench the next day.

"Oh, so next time, I can give you my phone number if you're interested?"

"No, I'm not interested. Sorry. "Shizuru was surprised to repel the advances of a woman; it was already several weeks that she had not sex with someone, to share her bed with a woman. The desire was not there anymore, she could not find someone attractive. And she even stop having one night stand. She broke up with all of them, and she said there will be no sex between them, and that they should find another sex toy. Yes, Shizuru had become mature, or she abused too much the pleasure that now, she felt disgusted. Takeda was right about her, she was an animal, jump on anything that moves. Shizuru thought she heard people, she heard compliments, especially the remarks about a living beauty. Intrigued, she turned to the subject of these statements and saw that most of the guests were watching in one direction, near the front door.

She could not believe her eyes; she trembled even as it seemed incredible. She finally found a way to breathe, and she was speechless. Natsuki? Her Natsuki? No, it had never been her, because she was too proud to accept her, because she was afraid of loving one person, and a part of her was afraid that's someone she will care would give up on her for a normal person, unlike her, in her mind, that's means a real man or a real woman. Yes, it was the hidden fear that Shizuru buried inside her, she would not care to someone because there is no injury, she tried to believe it. And, she did not know what the word meant like, love, but only desire and pleasure. She perfectly knew that is was what women with her, sex and nothing else. It was great….at first…

The Kyoto-Ben woman continued to stare, Natsuki was incredibly beautiful ... no one rivaled her beauty that was a different woman than a few months, more charming, less introverted, and she smiled a lot…

She had shoulder-length curly hair, put on the right side, she was wearing a bright bloody lipstick, and she had a long black dress that revealed her white shoulders, like marble. She wore around her waist a white stole. She attracted all the attention in her direction, she looked like her celebrity who climb the red carpet, and there was a lot of was flattering remarks. She smiled confidently while the red eyes beauty was petrified by her presence, she even touched her chest which strongly fought against her chest.

The blunette greeted the people who spoke to her, and she walked to the corner, where was the food. She took an orange juice, and then she looked at her watch. Viola wanted to talk to this woman from her past. However, she remembered their last fight, Kuga never wanted to see her. But they were in a public place, it was a coincidence, or it was fate that brought them together? However, her feet could not lead her in the direction she had tried to impose. Nevertheless, she saw an image which irritated her, a man had approached her ex, and he spoke to her. He seemed to be very insistent. Viola clenched her fists when she saw this man catch a lock of her blue hair. He wanted to catch her chin; however, Shizuru did not realize what happen. She had gone to the protagonists, and when she heard the words, she was furious.

"Oh my, you're really beautiful darling, I saw last time in this coffee shop, you hide your game well, would you like to spend some quality time with me at home or in a hotel? The women like you love money and power, I know that. How much do you want?" The man was suddenly returned, he had not had time to said anything, he took a punch, making him fall to the ground.

"You better back off! You bastard!" Viola growled when she realized what she had done, she brought out off by her ex. Outside, they ended up in the cold. Natsuki tried everything possible not to explode. She hoped to never see this woman, but circumstances were against her. And that person dared to defend her against a seducer? Her? Who was a womanizer?

"Who do think you are Viola! Are you out of your mind?!" The so-called was surprised when she was staring intensively at her ex-girlfriend.

"This pervert deserves a punch. And what is this revealing outfit?" Shizuru tried to hide her excitation, and she gave her jacket to her interlocutor, but it immediately threw to the face of its owner.

"Leave me the hell alone Viola. You are really a hypocrite! I do what I want, with whom I want. You're nothing to me, you disgust me, you're not better than this man right now, no you're worse than him. And you dare to lecture me, and your life is so ... I do not know how to describe it... a battlefield… go to your one stand night and forget me. "Kuga would go away, but she was held by a firm grip.

"Natsuki ... I'm sorry ..."

"Natsuki? Shizuru?" A male voice called out, the two protagonists turned their heads; when they recognized the person in question. Natsuki began to smile of joy while Viola winced, before bluenette and smiled only for her and nobody else. She approached the man and gently kissed her on the lips.

"Reito."

"Sorry, I'm late. The traffic jam. But how did you know my sister Natsuki? Are you both friend?"

"Sister ?" Kuga questioned puzzled when her boyfriend showed Shizuru, who was also shocked. And finally, the beauty with emerald realized the horrible truth. She went out with the brother of the woman who had broken her heart ...how is that possible?


	4. Chapter 4

Merry Christmas everyone, yes, I took time, I was busy, also, I'm just trying to find a good end for this story, and...I don't find one. But perhaps it will appear in my mind.

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 **~I won't change myself~**

 **Part 4: Changes?**

"Natsuki? Are you alright? You're looking very pale." Reito asked with a worried voice while the latter lost off balance by the information she had just heard. She felt an arm grab her waist firmly. She turned and saw that it was Shizuru. Various feelings crossed her, her love for this woman, the pain for having a broken heart, and anger when she thought about that baby she had lost. She freed herself to that touch that seemed to disgust her, and she said dryly:

"Do not touch me again Viola! Never!" The so-called was disturbed by the coldness and distance of tone, but she obeyed to the order.

"Shizuru, what's going on here?" Reito asked when he noticed the hostility of his girlfriend towards Viola.

"First of all, I'm not your sister; we are not even blood-related." The man smirked, and added:

"But when you're going to marry my sister, we will form one big family." Kuga escaped of her stupor when she heard this information. She could not bear to go out with Shizuru's brother or relative that would mean, she will constantly see that person, and she promised herself to never meet her. And if they were real brother and sister, she would have broken up with Reito.

"Marrying your sister?" The bluenette snorted while Viola winced, she really had to control herself with women, or to keep them away.

"Yes, they are betrothed since birth; and above all, they are really in love, also, I heard some strange noises, a few weeks ago in my sister's room. "Natsuki laughed coldly, she pitied that poor woman who will marry that womanizer, she was not lucky. She would live a horrible marriage, without love and faithfulness.

"No, there is nothing between your sister and me, it was just...sex, well…one time, and nothing more. And she was the one she who had jumped me, I told her that there would be no future together; I even stop the engagement between us. "

"You have no shame, you still the same." Natsuki sighed.

"What? What's that supposed to mean?" Kanzaki asked.

"Reito? Can we go now? I know you need some people." The bluenette tried to change the subject; she grabbed the Reito's arm while the man seemed more irritated by what had just said Shizuru. Yes, she lied about having sex with Mikoto, although it was stupid and childish. She did not recognize herself, but she only just wanted to make her ex-girlfriend jealous, and it did not seem working, because, in the end, she was jealous of Reito, when he received a tender kiss on the cheek and a smile. The doctor seemed to calm down, but it was without further intervention by the chestnut, which would not let the couple go as if it were nonexistent. She hated that, and it was a first for her this kind of feeling.

"You dare tell me that I am still the same, yet you also lying with me, like the others. Do you love me? Perhaps, it was only my body. Oh, kannin na ... maybe your beloved do not know you're in love with me, and that we had a lot of fun together? And forget me; thou hast cast on you Reito? "The couple stopped abruptly. And without her noticing, Shizuru's cheek was burning by the slap that Kuga gave her.

"How dare you say such horrors? You are really miserable Shizuru, I do not even know why I could fall in love with you in the past; you are such a horrible person who only care about herself. But now you're nothing to me, just a bad memory. I will leave you to harm my relationship with Reito. "The man stayed stunned, he had difficulty to digest the information he had just heard. Learning that his girlfriend was with her sister's fiancée, and she had many women than Kuga, was a shock. Then he remembered all that Natsuki had confessed about her previous relationship, he saw how she was bruised and hurt, it was difficult to trust him, but she had always been honest. Kanzaki turned and abruptly pushed Shizuru from her girlfriend; Viola staggered back and fell to the ground.

"If you were a man, I will punch you because you deserve it. You better leave her alone when she Natsuki asks you. Contrary to what you think, our relationship is more stable and real as the one you had with Natsuki. You've never loved her, and although I am sad that she has suffered so much, I would treat better than you've never done. Although what you say would not separate us. It only makes you even more, pathetic than you are." The couple went away while Shizuru gave punch the floor, and she winced, not physically in pain, but it was her heart that was hurt.

"Shizuru? What are you doing on the floor? "The named looked up and saw his best friend Takeda, she invited him to the party because he begged her. And now, she did not know what to do.

 ** _A few minutes later._**

"It's Natsuki there? Wow, holy cow! She's smoking hot and wow her body; and curves. How could you let her go? I will myself clinging to her." Takeda whistled almost drooling when his friend saw red.

"Do not look at her like that, or I will kill you!" Viola said angrily, she gave a furious kick to the back of the knee of his friend who bent forward, and moaned in pain.

"Oh, it will be a slaughter. And I'm not the only one looking at her; so stop being jealous and angry. Also, you can not burn Kanzaki with your eyes."

"I did not do ... okay ... I'm jealous ... and I'm not usually ...like this..."

"But you're human and it's great! You can not always be polygamous. It is necessary that you stay with someone. It's the life. With babies and family." The man with the green hair remarked with a smirk.

"You're right ... I ..., you will be surprised…but…I have no idea what to do…could help me make amends with Natsuki, I will be eternally grateful to you. I'll help you for everything you want. " The intersex asked shyly. His friend seemed to be in shock, and when turned to his, he hurt his neck.

"What! You? A professional with women? You ask me advise to seduce a woman? Me?" Takeda questioned incredulous, while his friend was equally surprised to such a request, however, she could not act her way, and she would have no chance of regaining the heart of her Natsuki.

"Yes, and do not shout, everyone is watching us, I am hopeless and desperate to make amends with Natsuki. I do not think I was a bad person, but I do mistakes without realizing ... please ... help me ... what should I do to win her back to my life? I do not think sex helps in our case. Even though it's extremely important. " The Kyoto Ben woman begged, his roommate felt the pain of the young woman and sighed.

"Alright, Alright, doctor love Masashi will help you. It's true that sex is not everything."

"But it's still important." Viola added under the disapproving look of her friend.

"Yes, and you saw the result. The woman you love is with another man. And they look very happy opposed his roommate. He was absolutely right. "But unlike you, I am not an expert in women. So I do not know how I can help you ... "

"You had how many girlfriends? " The beauty with rubies asked, and her interlocutor was blushing with shame.

"Three? Not with that two of my childhood, it's not much."

"And how long were you with them?"

"The first? It was in high school. Four years, and the second, a year and a half."

"I have never had a girlfriend. So I do not know how to behave or act, I don't know what I should do, so... I am a complete novice ... with love and feelings…I don't want to mess up again…"

"Really?" Masashi inquired incredulously while his friend nodded.

"The lovers so I've had, but I've never been in love until today. And I realize that when you lose something you really care,it made you realize how important it was ... "Viola confessed, biting inside of her mouth.

"Then I'll help you! And in exchange, you could help me with that woman who works for your father, his secretary? "Shizuru laughed and smiled:

"I did not know you liked Rena."

"She is too beautiful and sexy. But I have no chance; I know she loves men more charismatic than me. You'd be more her type. "

"Ok. I will help you. But first, you begin with me. "Masashi shook hands with his roommate who agreed to help each other.

"Okay, so the first thing to do is not to act as you have done previously. Don't be a jerk. Stop seeing others women. Natsuki is the only one you want. You have to apologize without apologizing. "The beauty with ruby frowned. What was this supposed to mean?

"What?"

"Instead of acting like a man without brain and only with a penis, stop proclaiming that Natsuki is yours, she is not. She's not your possession, and you should be forgiven if you show you respect her, show her that you're sorry and that she is important to you, but without too much bother, otherwise you to lose forever. "

"Since when you are so clever? Did you read the magazine of your mother?"

"If you are rude, I won't help you." Takeda scoffed and crossed his arms.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. Forget what I have said. And how am I doing to show that Natsuki is important to me?" Shizuru asked which was more lost than before.

"You've got to prove that you changed, and really change, especially for her, but also for yourself. And you need to apology, but without saying about your one night stand, you're wrong and most important, give her gifts."

"Natsuki is not venal." The chestnut intersex protested.

"I did not say to pay her whatever she asked! Or buy her forgiveness. She will push you, and she probably rejects your gifts, she may even sway over you. "

"So I have to give presents, even if I know she will necessarily reject them?" The honey-haired woman squealed, so how she will win her heart?

"You just need to give small gifts, flowers, chocolates, perfume, show that you think about her and more important, that it is you who have chosen them."

"Damn, it is complicated a woman ..."

"You're in a far as I know. Well…not entirely." Takeda laughed to his own jokes, and his roommate rolled her eyes.

"Yes, but I am less complicated."

"Then marry you to yourself if you love you so much. And you will see your beloved's arm Reito and have his children. "Shizuru winced, and she watched the bluenette, she was so stunning…and these hands that touch her back make her furious. No, she was not going to give up, she was finally going to do what she had never wanted to do for someone, except for Kuga: she wanted to change.


	5. Chapter 5

Next chapter, the last, also don't forget to watch my poll in my profile, I want to translate one of my French fanfic, but only if you want.

* * *

 **~I won't change myself~**

 **Part 5: Misfortune.**

 **POV Shizuru**

It's been several weeks since Shizuru played the secret admirer. She thought it was a good idea to woo her bluenette, she won't rush, she just tried to make her smile by her good intention, and Viola was happy. The protagonist with crimson orbs had not realized until now, that when they had their physical interaction, she had paid attention to the little details that seemed insignificant to her.

Shizuru knew Kuga's favorite color, blue /gray; she loved cats because they were independent, strong. She loved lilies, especially white and Thai food, everything spicy. Then the chestnut woman gathered all this precious information to deliver gifts to Kuga, perfume, flowers, stuffed cat, dark chocolate, a snow globe. And at first, the Kyoto-Ben woman imagined that this would be a burden to buy all those purchases, she did not like shopping, or it was only for the essential. However, she was addicted to this game, she was happy to offer pleasure, to offer something else than her body to make someone happy. And that's all she had missed because she was afraid to deliver her feelings, that's why she behaved like a fool, a jerk. And it was a strange sensation when she thought about Natsuki, she could not stop smiling and humming. She even secretly envied those couples who kissed and held hands, who said easily 'I love you'. However, she did not know if she was to say the sentence: 'I love you too' she liked Natsuki, but she had great difficulty in openly express her love, and then, she showed the bad side of her. Nobody cared about her, when she slept with women, they simply go. Natsuki was the first person who loved her…

Shizuru tried the soft approach, but she wanted action and not necessarily sex. No, she wanted to see the reactions of Natsuki when she received another of her present. She wanted to tell her she was sorry for her behavior, she was immature and pathetic. But she could not bear to let her beloved to her rival. She wanted her second chance, even if she does not deserve it, she could not give up, it was not in her nature. As for Reito, he had spoken to her parents about her relationship with women; he simply wanted to hurt her. The chestnut still heard her mother screaming it was not a way of behaving; she was ashamed of her actions. She even cried, her father slapped her and said he did not understand why she was so fickle. But Shizuru had no explanation; she did not try to justify herself, because yes she had been wrong. She finally regretted her actions, some of them.

And here, she observed in her car, Natsuki was at work, she served customers coffee. Shizuru rubbed her temples, and sighed, she looked like a stalker, it's already few days she watched the bluenette, and she smiled. She quietly watched the delivery guy get into the cafe, and he headed straight to Kuga, there was a short discussion, and Natsuki seemed to glow ... the woman was so beautiful. Shizuru felt her body warm, and she slapped her cheeks, then she squealed in pain. No! She became completely crazy! When she realized that Natsuki watched towards her car, Viola tried to escape from her intense emeralds, wriggling down the wheel, but she forgot to remove her seatbelt, and it was a real torture to hide herself, her nose even took damage, next, her eye hit against the gear lever, the top of her blouse was pulled toward her chest, and she did everything possible to remove this belt.

"Damn, you're scaring me Shizuru, you are losing more and more neurons! If I keep talking myself to myself, I will not be the only one to be scared of me ... "The young woman sighed and waited a few minutes. She slowly raised her head to the window and inspected the area, she saw Haruka bringing a lunch to a customer. Shizuru sighed, and stood up and she sat more comfortably in her seat. A noise made her jump, and she noticed that someone was in the shade and then she turned her head to the side. To her amazement, Natsuki glared at her. The named knocked on the window, and the drive had no choice, she opened her window.

"Haha, Natsuki, what are you doing here?" The so-called rolled her eyes and crossed her arms against her chest.

"I could ask you the same question Viola, don't you notice that you are only a few meters from my workplace?"

"Oh, that's right, I did not notice. I'm lucky!" The intersex laughed stupidly, and she winced to her words.

"Misfortune you mean. I see, it's again a waste of my time. I am leaving. "

"Natsuki! Wait!" Shizuru did not see what she was doing; she escaped from the window of her car and fell abruptly on the floor. She groaned in pain, today was not her day, and it seemed that the bluenette did not bother to turn around to see if she was fine. Pouting, the beauty with rubies did not lose hope. She followed her beloved, avoiding being crushed by a car, and then finally, she found herself in the cafe. She did not know what to do, so she went to the counter to place his order. She looked at Natsuki who was preparing a coffee; she wore a ponytail, and Viola saw her perfectly white neck, she licked her lips, it's seemed forever she didn't taste her sweet skin. When Kuga turned, she was surprised to see her ex one night stand, she burned her hand with the hot coffee that she had just prepared. She hissed in pain, and Viola stepped over the counter and rushed to her wolf.

"Oh my god, Natsuki! Are you alright? Your hand is very red; you have to cool it with cold water, and very quickly. "The named would argue that she did not need help, and in result her hand was sink in cold water. She wanted to get out of this grip; however, Viola seemed not to let her go. After her hand became less painful, Kuga abruptly withdrew from the Kyoto-Ben womanizer.

"What do you want from me? Are you not tired to hurting me?" Natsuki shouted exasperated, she does not understand this woman.

"No ... I did not want to hurt you ... ... I'm sorry for everything I've done…you endure so much pain...I was blind, stupid, selfish, a jerk, I want to apologize."

"You do not need to apologize, you were clear from the beginning, and there would never be anything other than sex between us. It is me who was wrong to feel anything for you. And when I stop our relationship, you fucking did not care. Then disappear from my life and I will forgive you, but if I see you continually I will hate you!"

"I love you."The word escaped of the chestnut's lips; she did not want to say theses words, at least not now. The honey-haired beauty was expecting a slap, insults, but not that. She was covered with a drink, the smell was, and recognizable it was orange juice. She finally noticed that Natsuki and she were not anymore alone, Haruka was also with them, and she looked pissed.

"You! How dare you to come here and say that! Nobody believes in your lie. After all, Natsuki endured because of you! I order you to go away or I'll call the police. No, I'll throw you out! "The blond licked her lower lip, the pitbull was back, the intersex could not blame the blonde to protect her friend, she was very grateful to her.

"I know I was wrong ..." Haruka laughed, but she did not want Natsuki to suffer again. She turned and saw that her friend was gone. It was a good thing; she was going to say all she felt to this womanizer.

"You have been wrong? Breaking Natsuki's heart? For making her hoped that one day you could return her feelings?"

"Yes."

"Oh, Madame thinks an apology will fix everything? This will make Natsuki forget the loss of her baby? Reito is better than you, he cherishes her, he treats her like a queen, and he pays attention to it. He will not see another woman. That's what we call love."

"I know ... ... the loss of her baby? Mine? When? " The Kyoto-Ben beauty stuttered while a weight fell on her shoulders, she had to hang on against a chair to not fall apart.

"Yes Her baby, whom you would never have wanted to have with her. It was a few days after your break-up. Unlike you, she wanted this baby, even though the other partner would have never wanted, you must be thrilled not to have that burden. You can have a quiet life. "Viola fell to the ground, tears fall on her cheeks. The blonde thought the chestnut was faking, but when she saw her gasp and saying my baby ... then she realized that Viola was sincere and deeply hurt. However, it was too late, the damage was already done.

"So you see Shizuru, no matter what you say, it's over." The latter got up and walked like a zombie. She pushed a customer and did not apologize, and she left the cafe. Outside, she collapsed on her knees.

* * *

"Natsuki ... I'm sorry, please forgive me, I'm sorry ... what did I do ... my daughter or my son ... he's dead because of me ... I do not deserve you ...I will let you…you deserve someone better than me…" The mobile phone of the beauty with crimson rang, but she paid no attention to the call, then the call was repeated three times, then she took the call, and she spat:

"What!"

"Shizuru, you should not speak like this to me love." The so-called frowned and looked at the name of the caller.

"Arika? What do you want? I don't have time to waste with you."

"You remember when I say that you will suffer Viola? You know, your bad behavior will turn against you, or rather against the one you love so much. Natsuki? Right? Poor girl, she was not lucky with you. But it will be her end." Shizuru stood up and seemed to be concerned with this threat.

"What do you mean?"

"Hmm ... for example, if she happened to be in an accident, it would be a shame. She seems upset, you still do something wrong, but I will end her suffering, and you will feel the pain for once. "

"Wait! No! Do not hurt her, it's me you want to hurt, not her! "Shizuru yelled while the line went dead.


	6. Chapter 6

Finally, it's over, I hesitated with the end, ShizNat, happy-ending, and some of you wanted smut. I have to satisfy everybody. Thanks for reading, reviewing, and following.

* * *

 **~I won't change myself~**

 **Ending: I changed.**

* * *

Tears flew despite her will. She observed this funerary stone right in front of her. She bitterly regretted her actions if she had not had a bitch, she does not end up in the cemetery, to apologize constantly for her bad behavior. She remembered what had happened three months ago.

* * *

 **Flashback.**

Shizuru after having received the call from Arika was in a panic, she did not know what to do, her first reaction was to join Natsuki, and as this was not long she was out of her coffee shop, she probably went to her home. And she took the bus, but it was far away. Viola rushed to her car and called the police, and she notified them what was happening. Next, she took the road. She had to find Kuga, if anything happened to her, she will never forgive herself, not after the loss of their baby.

Watching on the sidewalk the road, she saw in the distance Arika, near an alley with a knife in her hand... Shizuru stopped her car in the middle of traffic and immediately walked toward the aggressor. Her heart beat faster; she thought she will collapse when she saw Natsuki on the floor, she held her abdomen, crimson liquid escaped behind her hand which contained blood. She seemed stunned and weak, and the intersex heard the cold words of Akira, who had completely lost her mind.

"I'll get rid of you Natsuki, everything is the fault of Shizuru if you die." The blue haired woman was in tears, she begged to be spared. But it seems that Akira had no more rationality, she was ready to end definitively her prey. She walked over her, the crazy woman was ready with the final blow, but the Kyoto-Ben beauty threw herself upon her ex one-night stand; and swung to the ground. The knife fell to the ground, and Arika was down, but she took her knife and used it as self-defence. Shizuru screamed when the skin of her face split in two, she had received a blow that marked the right side of her face. Blood dripped, and when she realizes the situation, she realized that Natsuki was in great danger.

"You'd better not move, or it's over for her." The knife was against Natsuki's throat, and she cut her marble skin, a thin vermilion liquid appeared.

"You must stop this madness Akira! I called the police. Can not you hear them? Leave Natsuki alone, and you will be fine, you will not have any problem." The named seemed to panic; she was holding her weapon to Kuga, which was as white as a corpse.

"You're right, I have to stop this!"

"No!" Shizuru screamed when she saw the blade away, to slay her victim.

 **End of flashback.**

* * *

"You should stop blaming yourself Shizuru. It's not your fault." A well familiar voice commented. The later wiped her tears; she did not dare to face her interlocutor.

"You know it's my entire fault, if I had not played with her feelings, she would not have done that! I was wrong."

"I know, I was there too Shizuru, do not you think I'm haunted by this story? Every night I have nightmares. I imagined that she kills me, or you, and it's her corpse I see every day and night, and I'm alive. I see continuously her image, her face; how she kills herself, all that blood that escaped from her. It's horrible; I feel I'm going crazy!" Kuga scolded while Shizuru bit her lower lip. Although it was a horrible thought, she was happy that Arika has committed suicide, rather than taking the life of her beloved ... she was really despicable, everything was her fault, this story upset her, and she completely changed.

"I'm sorry ... sorry ..."

"I do not care about your excuses Shizuru, you are a coward, you told me that you loved me and then after you reject me, again, I want to help you, to help each other, but you stay away from me."

"And Reito, he should not be happy if we became close." Shizuru growled, she staggered, and then she turned around.

"You can really be a bitch when you want, how dare you to be jealous? When you're just pushing me away? I really waste my time again, I finally wanted to give you another chance, but you did not change at all like you promised me, it was all lies. "

"Yes I'm a bitch, you should know, because of me, you lost our baby." Natsuki looked more pained, Shizuru knew she was only hurting her. She had always done. Now she drowned by her mistakes, the loss of this child, and she had this scar to her face too.

"No, it's not your fault ... just like Arika ... Shizuru, you wanted me away from you, and you managed to achieve your purposes. I am no longer with Reito because he broke up with me when we kissed at the hospital, also, he noticed, unlike me, I always loved you. But it'll be easier now; I agreed to take the post of Director in one of the cafes belonging to my boss in Spain. So we will not see again from tomorrow evening. Goodbye, Shizuru." Natsuki went while the chestnut continued to cry silently, she said to herself, it was good thing that the bluenette left, however, her heart thought otherwise, it would implore her to stay at her side, and forever, but what was she offer her? More suffering? Then, she noticed the shadow of the only person she had ever loved far away from her.

* * *

She knocked the door and waited. Natsuki opened the door and was surprised to see Shizuru. The latter smelt alcohol.

"What are you doing here? Are you drunk?"

"No, I just drink a beer. I'm fine, now, I know what I want. I don't want to run away anymore. I know what I want, and it's you, it always been you."

Her fingers gripped her hips strongly, Natsuki's hands escaped from her back, and Viola kissed her, it like she was starving, she as hungry. Natsuki gently pushed away Shizuru, and she said out of breath:

"Please, slower. It's too faster for me, it's not I dislike, but I need a little more time."

"I'm sorry."

"No it's fine, I perfectly understand you. I miss you too."

Shizuru missed badly the noises that slipped from her mouth, to feel her against her body, and moaned her name. She needed that woman, she forget a moment all their problems. She loved her.

"I love you Natsuki. You are the first woman who made my heart beat this way, I'm totally afraid to love you. That you reject me or you will find better than me, a real woman or man."

"Shh." Natsuki smiled and kissed gently the chestnut beauty. Her kisses traveled down her spine before the bluenette lightly biting her cheekbone. They removed their clothes without paying attention. They directly went to the bedroom, tiring with playing; Natsuki pushed the intersex to sit on her knees.

"Fuck." She whispered sensually, The Kyoto-Ben woman felt the arousing. She always dreamt of this moment. Kuga's hand run to her thigh and rested on her member which moved to her firm touch. They stared at each other like it was the first time they will make love.

"Say what you want Natsuki." The red-eyes beauty teased.

"Make me say it if you can." The bluenette answered back, with a cocky smile.

"Ok." She smirked, and pressed her back into the bed, she kissed her throat and collarbone, down towards her breasts, she wanted to taste her, and it was so long the last time. Shizuru swallowed as she caught sight of her naked form and let slipped. "Beautiful. You are the most beautiful women I'd never seen." Kuga blushed, it was the first time her lover said those words. She felt so shy. She even cried.

"Natsuki? Why are you crying? Did I do something bad again? I'm sorry. Please, forgive me." A worried voice asked, and removed those tears. And Viola did not move, afraid to break that beautiful woman.

"No, I'm happy, I very happy. Please, continue." She begged. "Later we will talk, I need you now."

"Natsuki…fine…"

"Shizuru." Natsuki gasped, her head hit the pillow as a tongue worked at her clit, and she moaned, she was close to begging. "Ok, ok, you won. I beg you. Fuck me, and now! Please!" She didn't care what she just said, she only wanted her. Shizuru hurriedly put the condom on. She was so nervous; she even tried thrice, but without any luck. And others fingers help hers.

"I've never been so nervous." Shizuru joked even if it was the truth.

"Me too."

Shizuru spread her legs as the chestnut beauty slowly pushed into her. She moaned out loud when she was inside of her, stretching her. Natsuki ran her fingers through her smooth honey hair. Her lips touched hers.

Shizuru picked up her pace, it was different from the others time, more gentle, it was not only sex but much more. They both groaned. Kuga wrapped her legs around the intersex, pulling her closer, and deeper.

Viola pulled back out, only to thrust back in, harder, faster. Natsuki arched her back and whimpered Shizuru name. The only sound in the room was their breathing and the sound of their hips smacking against each other. Both getting close to their release

"Fuck, Shizuru!"

They both reached the edge and fell over it, clinging to each other.

"Natsuki!" After they finished making love, they stayed silent in the bed.

"That was –" Kuga started.

"Perfect," Shizuru smiled and added with a whisper, "I'm glad you're okay."

"It was a great goodbye." Viola seemed lost and she stuttered:

"Goodbye?"

"Yes, I mean, you came here, because, it's a way to end our story, right?"

"Right…" The pairing stayed silent. "No, I want you to stay here, with me. I don't want you to leave me. Never." Natsuki locked her lips, before, she was ready to stay, but not when she decided to leave, it was better for her. She needed to escape this life and to begin a new one.

"I-"

"I know I won't force you. It was not my intention. Also, I always dream to go to Spain, but unless you don't want I stay with you." Natsuki blinked, and was surprised.

"You want to go to pain with me? Really?"

"Yes, well, if you still want of me? A new life, a new start? A new us? You will be the only one for me, I won't see another woman, I don't want them, I need you. I love you."

"Of course!" The bluenette shouted and kissed her lover.


End file.
